Mocking Meat (Vegan Chilifry Meat)

That shit is vegan?

Ho Ho Ho Cubs!

I did it, people, I did it. I recreated meat and it tastes spectacular. OK, it tastes like how meat should taste - plant-based, cruelty-free. Maybe that's why it tastes bombass. But here is my serious note: vegan processed cheese (for the most part) is shit. But vegan meat has so much potential. If you really love animal meat but feel badly about the horrendous industry, consider substituting, at least some of the time. The impact of going meatless a few times a week (consciously) can have ridiculous amounts of positive impact on our environment and help create more of a demand for plant-based meat.

In other countries, mock meats have been created so well that meat-eaters can't tell the difference, and as we move forward into an unsustainable world, it's really time to start thinking about the fantastic movement towards plant-based meat.

Now my blog (as promised from the start) is not about lecturing you on veganism or showing you PETA videos of cow torture. But thinking about sustainability and living in a less cruel world should be something we should all be thinking about - vegan, vegetarian, or not.

So anyway, this vegan meat is homemade seitan. If I was in the U.S, I could've bought this off the shelf, but in India, not so much. It's basically gluten meat made from wholewheat. The good news is that we have all the ingredients to make it in any stereotypical Indian kitchen. The bad news? It takes a fuck lot of time. But it did get me thinking: when we consume meat and it ends up on our plates, we are so distanced from the whole act of processing. Chicken drumsticks and pork ribs - think about the process, the feathers, the skinning, the cutting. It's our distance that keeps us from thinking about the reality. So when I was making my 'meat', I had new respect for adding the processing time to my meal. I understood what I was creating from my hands. Literally, the form from atta (roti bread batter) to 'meat' happened in my hands. Let's get to it:


What You Need

A cow. Just joking.

6 cups of atta (whole wheat flour)
1.5 cups of water (maybe more, you will figure this out when you start kneading)
3TB sea salt
3TB seasoning of choice (I used chili flakes, pepper, some minced garlic)
A big pot filled with water and more seasoning (salt, pepper, soy sauce, chili flakes, anything)



How To Make

OK, so first we'll make our regular roti-dough. In a bowl, start to knead your wholewheat flour with your hands with some of the water. Keep adding until you have a smooth (not dry, not too wet, bread-kind-of-dough). You should knead it for approx 15 min. Set aside for 5 minutes to let it hold its composition. Now get a big strainer and another bowl and get to your sink. Put the strainer on top of the bowl and run the faucet. Using your hands 'wash' the dough by gently massaging it. You'll see white water (starch) pour out into the bowl. Dump the water out and repeat. You will repeat this about 30 times. In other words, this will take you 20-25 minutes. The atta/dough will start to reduce, and become gummy, seriously, like a wad of chewed up gum. Keep going. Only when the water washes out clear are you done. At this point, your atta/dough would have reduced by half. Now squeeze out the water. You can take a pair of scissors and chop off pieces. It will be gummy-meat like. Now, fill your big pot of water up, add your seasoning and then dump your meat pieces into the pot of water. Set on a medium flame for 35-45 minutes. Your meat is cooked! All you have to do now is strain out the water by squeezing your meat pieces (which would have swollen after being cooked so you get a little more than you thought). This meat is ready to be fried, deep fried, stir-fried, or cooked in a curry. Here's a video of a super stoic woman showing you how to do it.

That't ain't no goat (uncooked seitan, after washing and chopping into pieces)

Chili Fry?

This is is easy. In a small bowl, add cornflour, your favorite "meat masala" and some salt. Make a paste with some water. Dip your meat pieces into the cornflour paste and drop them into a pot filled with oil (deep fry or shallow fry). Let them fry for 5-10 minutes, while turning the pieces gently. Drain out the oil and blot the oil from the pieces.

Deep-frying the 'meat'

I basically made a dry chili fry paste by mixing ginger-garlic paste, more meat masala, onions, spring onions, tomato and salt, and 4 sliced green chilies. Then I added the corn-flour fried pieces to this mix and stir-fry for another 5-8 minutes. Garnish with cilantro and onion.

Added the fried pieces to that hot masala gravy. 

SLURP. This shit is amazeballs. So try it, puppies. It's worth the patience. I promise. Keep it real.