Breakfast Blueberry Almond Muffins

Blueberry is King

So, there was some article raging  about eating chocolate cake for breakfast and losing weight. It was all over the Internet today. Some nonsense about how eating all your sugar and carbs at the start of the day processes in your body better and jump starts your metabolism. The chocolate justification is because chocolate is good for you, right? Well anyway, I thought, well so are blueberries. And the best way to eat blueberries with carbs is blueberry muffins (With some almonds for protein). Look I know I am being a schmuck trying to sell these as healthy treats. But folks, healthy is a state of mind and  if you feel your morning is going to be less dopey because of your muffin, then hell bitch, you're healthy!

Anyway, let's get to it shall we? Interesting note, we will be using apple cider vinegar (or plain white vinegar) as a replacement for eggs (if you went WTF, chill out, it works and makes things moist).

What you need

1.5 cups flour (Maida)

3/4th cup brown sugar (if you are going to whine about it, use white)

1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar or white vinegar (I know, I know)

1/3rd cup oil

1 tablespoon baking soda

1 cup frozen blueberries

3/4th cup crushed almonds

A pinch of Salt

Juice of one lemon + some rind grating (zest)

3/4th cup almond/cashew/soya mylk

All Them Ingredients in One Pretty Snapshot

Then What?

Preheat oven to 185-190 c


In one bowl put your flour, baking soda and salt in and mix gently

In a larger bowl cream your sugar and oil, then add vinegar and lime juice and rind. Add almond milk and beat it up till smooth. Now slowly add your Maida/Flour mix to it. Combine the blueberries and almonds in the batter.

Line a muffin cup with cupcake paper or just naked (but grease the moulds). With a tablespoon, spoon in the batter until about half-way.

Put those babies in the oven for about 12-18 min- this will depend on your oven size. Once they start to brown slightly and rise you can test them with a tooth pick and make sure it comes out clean.



This batter should give you about 10 small-medium muffins. 


Let cool. Eat that breakfast. Seize the day. Blueberry power.





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Completely Nuts Vegan Bars

Forget the visual mediocrity. These things will make you sprint

Are you a runner? Screw it, do you like nuts? Yeah? Hell whether you are running this weekend or just netflixing your weekend away, I am about to nut-up your life with these super nutritious, energy-packed vegan bars.

Go Nuts or Go Home

 You need to have a lot of nuts. I have used almonds, cashews, walnuts and peanut butter. Here's what you need.


Run to the Store Now

1. 3/4th cup almonds

2. 3/4th cup Cashews

3. 3/4th cup walnuts

4. 3/4th cup peanut butter

4. 1/4th cup white sugar

5. 1/4th cup jaggery

6. One cup Flour (Maida)

7. 1/2 cup of plain oats

8. one tablespoon Vanilla

9. A healthy pinch of salt

10. 1/2 cup pure virgin coconut oil

11.. one teaspoon baking powder

12. 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon powder

coco oil and peanut butter get along just fine 

Then What?

Put all your nuts in a blender and give them a course grind. Ideally should result a mix of super-ground and chunky pieces of nuts.

In one big bowl put your oats, flour, salt, baking powder and cinnamon in.

In another bowl combine coconut oil, sugar, jaggery, vanilla, and peanut butter and blend till creamy

creamy vegan

.

Add your wet creamy mixture to the flour/oats/salt/baking powder/cinnamon. Combine until it's a sticky dough.

Preheat your oven to about 170c

On a flat surface flatten your dough. If it's too wet add some more plain oats, it needs to be slightly wet but has to be able to retain form. If it's too dry you might need to add some more oil or peanut butter.

Cut into bars. Place on a tray lined with aluminium or wax paper.

Ok so they look like turds. before they're baked. But they taste great.

Put them in the oven for about 20 minutes. Let those babies cool for at least 10. Store in an air-tight container.

These are great pre-run bars. I have kept the sugar low, and if you want it extra healthy you can do whole wheat flour instead of white flour, although I think regular flour mellows the bars out a little. Packs in the protein and a good dose of healthy fats so you  feel less of a douche bag while you're mindlessly stuffing them down while watching How to Make a Murderer.

Till next time.

Chia Seed Chocolate Chunk Walnut Cookies (The Bomb)

Monster Delights

Alright, we're shaking things up here in Rheea Town. Screw chips (that's weak) we are doing chunks and mega walnuts. Yeah, so you might have to shell out some money for this one because walnuts do not come cheap our side of the globe.

We're using chia seeds to replace eggs. These cookies are going to be soft cake-like amazingness. If you eat more than one you better run in the morning. I have been tame with the sugar if you like things sweeter add 1/4th cup more of regular sugar to this.

So what do I need?

2 cups flour (maida)
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup regular sugar
1/3 cup oil
3 tablespoons chia seeds
5 table almond/soya mylk
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 Giant bar of Amul Bitter chocolate or two small bars of any dark choclate (use milk chocolate and I will boycott you)
3/4th cup walnuts (or more if you want)

Cookie Swag

Now what?

You need 3 bowls. First add the flour, baking soda/powder/salt in one large bowl.
In a super tiny bowl add your chia seeds and add a tablespoon or 2 of water, let it sit for a minute, it will become jelly like and thicker- that's you veggie eggs (plus chia is good for you, right?)

Chia Goo

In another bowl add oil, sugars, wet chia seed goo and cream it well.

Now add your wet creamed mix  to the flour mix and blend well.It should be a little wet, you can add your milk now, add less or more to get it right. Break your dark chocolate into chunks (not small chips) and add it to the dough, then add your walnuts. Blend with your hands, it should hold together but still be wet to touch.

Pre-heat oven to 170c

On a greased pan drop medium sized balls and flatten gently (they will be uneven and bulky- real cookies have curves)

Balls of Bliss

You will have to do this in batches if your oven is small (like mine) I can bake about 6-8 cookies at a time. Each batch has to go in for about 10 min.

Let them cool and slide them on to a plate. Best enjoyed with a glass of cold milk.

 Chocolate Kisses my readers!

Vanilla Almond Sesame Brittle

Glorious Brittle

Fine folk, I just got back from Chickmagalur (Lush Green Coffeeland in the South) and decided the first day of 2016 would require a treat. It had to be quick and easy. I haven't even unpacked yet (or showered), but I did have the energy to make this. So anyone can. This brittle is yummy, snacky, and packs a healthy amount of protein in it. Ok who am I kidding, it packs a shit load of sugar too, but meh, balance right?

All you need for this is almonds, sesame, sugar, vanilla, jaggery syrup, and coconut. You can even make it without honey (like I did, the stupid ants got to mine and I refuse to use honey soaked ants in my recipes) but it might change the texture- but mine came out fine, they are a little chewy too!

Ok so let's get this down.

What do I need?

1 cup jaggery syrup (or one cup sugar syrup)

3/4th cup full almonds

1/2 of white sesame seeds

1 1/2  teaspoons of vanilla essence

3 tablespoons coconut oil

1 healthy pinch of salt (this really brings out the taste, but too much will screw it up, but don't make it a tiny pinch either)


What do I do?

Easiest thing in the world.

Dump all your ingredients in one non-stick man on medium heat.

All in one Pan. Super Easy.

 Stir gently and let it start to bubble. Once the sugar thickens and is all brown and bubbly, quickly put off the stove and pour it on to a greased baking tray. It will be lumpy, but use a big spoon and even it out as much as you can.

Let it completely cool (about 25 minutes) 

It looks like a new country, eh?

Take a big-ass knife (for leverage and to cut through big chunk of almonds)  slice into squares or whatever really, they won't be perfect and that's what's so cool about them. Lift them off the pan and store in an airtight container. Happy snacking!

Lemme know what you guys think. Was it a big sticky disaster (That's what he said) or was it a gloriously easy experience?

Tea Party Lemon Cake

The perfect Lemon Cake

In case you are feeling British and such, here's a simply enchanting light cake to make. Any baking that involves lemon as its core feature includes a mighty challenge- getting that perfect balance between sweet and sour. I mostly find lemon cakes outside too sweet and not citrusy enough, so here is a version that is tarter and lighter on the calories to boot!

Disclaimer : This is my own recipe with a little Martha Stewart inspiration. But her version involves ghastly egg yolks, and we don't do that shit here. Therefore any resemblance to British tradition, flavour, or culture is purely coincidental. 

What do I  need, you ask? Kind folk, it is presented below.

 For the Cake

1 1/2 cups flour/maida

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/3 cup vegetable oil

Juice of 21/2 lemons ( or 3 will be fine too)

The grated rind of 1 lemon

1/4th cup almond milk 

2 splashes of orang juice (preferably with no sugar added kind, fresh if you can do it) 

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup of sugar (a little more if you want it sweeter)

1 teaspoon vanilla essence

For the Lemon Glaze

1 cup icing sugar

Juice 1/12 lemons

Yellow Food Colouring (optional)

How do I do it?

In a bowl mix the flour, baking soda and powder and salt set aside

Grate one lemon for all its rind. 

Rind Grating is Fun

In another bowl whip the oil, butter, vanilla  and sugar. It might be a tad lumpy because butter does not do well with oil but try your best. Then add the lemon juice, rind and orange juice and whisk it together, it will be liquidy. 

Now add half of your wet mixture to the flour and blend, slowly add the remaining wet portion to the flour and mix thoroughly. Your batter is ready.

Ain't nothing wrong with a slightly lumpy batter

Pre-heat your oven to 175c , grease a loaf pan and pour batter in. Bake for 20 minutes, please take a fork and do the fork test after 15 minutes to check, oven times vary with depending on what you are using. I have a tiny oven and that usually speeds things up for me. 

While your cake is in the oven prepare for making the glaze, which is really easy and doesn't really need much prep work.

Dump your one cup of sugar in a bowl, add your lemon juice, food colour, and a few drops of water and mix till you have a slightly thick glaze. Always start with less water and build up until you have a good consistency. You want it to create a glaze that will spread but also thick enough to create a tiny layer on top of the cake.

Nothing like food colouring to add some gaudy to your glaze

Once your cake is our of the oven and completely cooled (at least 20 minutes, no cheating)  take it out of the pan carefully and put it on a plate. I managed to slightly burn the top of my damn cake this time, so I am flipping it over and using the other side to glaze.

Stir your glaze, add a drop of water or two if it has thickened during the waiting time. Pour over your cake or drizzle it in any pattern you like. Let it set for 5-10 minutes. Decorate with lemon sliced and/or orange slices.

Serve with tea. Fake a British accent. 

Happy New Year! We'll see you in 2016 puppies. Bake safe. 

Cookie Frosting for Hesitant Bakers

It's Easy Folks. Promise

A quickie here folks. For those who want to make a radical impression and don't have time or the skills do make super pretty decoration, fear not. The easiest thing in the world is making sugar frosting for your cookies. You don't need much, just icing sugar, food colouring, water, and an old Dabur honey plastic bottle, or any other  old squeezable jar.

So what do you do fine folk?

What you need

1 Cup Icing Sugar (or cheat by blending regular sugar)
3 tablespoons water or plant-based mylk
Food Colouring (take your pick green, yellow, orange or red)
2 drops of vanilla (totally optional)


How to do this

Dump 1 cup of icing sugar in a bowl (or just put regular sugar in the blender and blend until it becomes a fine dust)

Add your 3 table spoons of icing, food colouring and vanilla and stir it like a maniac (click the word you'll have the perfect song to go with your frosting adventure). You should get a thick gooey frosting in a few seconds. Make sure there are no lumps.

Golden Tip : Add the water in stages to make sure your frosting is not too thin, you want it to be the consistency of ketchup, or actually slightly thicker.

Then What?

Get your old squeezy tube and gently pour (over a sink or you will regret it) into the bottle. Make sure your bottle is super dry. Tightly place the cap on and you are ready to go.

It's like a pre-school Activity

Now get your cookies out and make sure they are cooled completely. The easiest thing to do is to make zig-zag stripes over them or just squeeze frosting  all over the cookie top. Quickly add sprinkles or chocolate chips if you want (before the frosting dries) and in about 15 minutes your frosting will harden and you have the prettiest cookies ever! Now go impress people.

Happy Holiday Week!

After annoying the sweet Jesus out of my FB friends with endless pictures of cookies, I've finally done the sane thing. I am blogging food, puppies! I'll share recipes, shady cheats, and weird baking tips for people with nada organizational skills and those who seriously struggle with  fine motor skills. 

So say tuned for some recap recipes that I have shared on Facebook over the last 400 days. I'll add some new stuff soon too, promise. And I promise to be as accurate as I can with measurement.